• TMI Intimacy Coach

In To Me See - The hallmark to a healthy intimate relationship.

During one of Eddie Murphy's standup comedy shows he tells a story about being caught cheating with another woman. The punchline of his joke was the response to his wife, "Yes, I had sex with the woman, but I make love to you." The truth in this joke is that some men don't understand they can experience both making love and sex with the same woman. This belief is usually seen in extramarital affairs and other emotional connections. Our aim of this article is to reveal the phenomena of intimacy for men to discover their partner's unique intimate expression. Contrary to popular belief, intimacy can be expressed in both lovemaking and HBNS (hot butt naked sex). It really depends on the moment.


Less than one-third of the couples I've interviewed are able to articulate the same concept of intimacy (I challenge you to test this theory). Many of the men's answers would be that intimacy involves sex. Their belief is that sex is the most definite way to be intimate with their partners. On the other hand, the core of most women's concepts of intimacy would involve some form of emotional connection. As such, if more men were to express their feelings, it is likely their spouse will relate to it. Two-thirds of the problem of intimacy would be solved. The other one-third involves actively engaging in cognitive intimacy, the equal reciprocation of exchanging thoughts during day-to-day activities.

Since most couples vaguely understand that there are other forms of expression achieving intimacy continues to be a problem in their relationships. Therefore, we encourage each partner to look within to discover what hinders them from being authentic and vulnerable in the relationship. As you discover this hindrance, be prepared to discuss it with your partner. Invariably you will discover what hinders your spouse. This conversation will be the hallmark on your journey to experience the essence of intimacy or "In To Me See".


For couples desiring to develop and sustain appreciative intimacy with your spouse, you must remain committed to allowing "in to me see" to flow between you and your partner. The most overlooked component of intimacy is preserving a safe environment for both to feel free to express themselves. At the point of achieving this, you will learn the best ways to experience genuine intimacy with your spouse. The following are some of the things you can do to develop a healthier relationship with our spouse:

  • We can listen to understand.

  • We can be less judgmental.

  • We can cover their weaknesses and allow their strengths to shine.

  • We can elaborate on expectations.

  • We can endeavor not to make a decision that affects your spouse without their input.

  • We can encourage our partners to share their fears.

  • We can find ways to speak words of affirmation to each other.

  • We can be willing to forgive and apologize when we disappoint one another.

  • We should endeavor to bring out the best in each other.

The path to sustaining intimacy requires deliberate and strategic investments. Yes, this means that each individual is required to invest their share in the relationship. Both individuals must be committed to the process of experiencing our partner's unique intimate expression. Thus, building intimacy in our relationship is an individual and conscious choice.

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